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My Blogs:
Personal: http://lovecraftwork.blogspot.com/
Interviews: http://youareentitledtomyopinioninterviews.blogspot.com/
My post-apocalyptic zombie epidemic book project:
http://theendoftheworldisnighbook.blogspot.com/
Film Reviews: http://nooneaskedforyourfuckingopinion.blogspot.com/
Book reviews: http://destroyallauthors.blogspot.com/
Music reviews: http://thewordsaboutsounds.blogspot.com/
My publishing imprint: http://burntofferingsbooks.blogspot.com/
The first book from my publishing imprint:
http://seandouglasbooks.blogspot.com/

Burnt Offerings Audio Books is now open for commissions!

Greetings!

After having spent the last year or so honing my skills in the art of recording spoken word and audio books, I am now confident enough with the quality of my output to offer my services recording audio books.

What you will receive as an audio book client is an adaptation of your book as an audio book product, in your preferred format, ready to be distributed via your preferred method of distribution, to allow you complete saturation of your target demographic of readers.

I also offer assistance with setting up a site to host your audio books, branding the site, and coordinating the payment gateway for your audio books. As long as you have an active PayPal account coordinating the payment gateway is relatively simple to do.

Pricing for the production of an audio book depends on the length of the material.

To listen to samples of audio books I have produced, you can click through to the page that I maintain for my audio book projects. http://scottlefebvre.bandcamp.com/

If you are an author, or know an author that is interested in having their book adapted into an audio book, please contact me at the e-mail at the end of this post and we can discuss the project.

Scott Lefebvre
Burnt Offerings Audio Books
Scott_Lefebvre@hotmail.com

Open Letter to The Edward Gorey Charitable Trust

To: info@edwardgoreyhouse.org

Greetings!

I just received notification that you or someone representing your organization filed copyright complaints against four videos that I created and posted on my YouTube channel.
The videos were for The Doubtful Guest, The Insect God, The Object Lesson, and The Fatal Lozenge.
They were slideshows accompanied by audio tracks reading the text and were intended as homage pieces to share the appreciation of Edward Gorey's work.
I received no form of compensation aside from "hits" or "views" which do not translate into currency.
The videos were relatively well viewed and well-appreciated by Edward Gorey enthusiasts.
Also, in accordance with the guidelines of Fair Use, I did not profit from the use of this content, and they were not intended to, nor can I conceive of any way that they could, deprive you of any monetary compensation or your ability to profit from your copyright.
So essentially you've just had four videos created by a fan of Edward Gorey to celebrate his work that have been viewed and enjoyed by tens of thousands of other Edward Gorey fans taken down out of pure spite and as a way to flex your muscle as the copyright holder of the work of Edward Gorey.
How charitable of you!
Particularly annoying about all of this is that I sent your organization an e-mail, like, four years ago when I originally made the videos asking your organization for your blessing or if you'd be interesting in allowing me to borrow the copyrighted material to expand the concept and create narrated videos for all of the works of Edward Gorey with the intention of creating a product, such as a DVD of the videos that you COULD sell to allow you to further whatever the intentions of your charitable organization are and I NEVER RECEIVED A REPLY!
So, for the past four or five years it's been fine that people have been enjoying the videos I made to celebrate the work of Edward Gorey out of a common appreciation for the artist that you claim to represent in a charitable capacity but now, suddenly, it's a problem because you learned how to use the internet today?
Again, how charitable.
If you would like to reply and try to ameliorate this situation I'd be interested in knowing what the opinion of the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust is regarding this incident.
But I won't be holding my breath as I've been waiting around FIVE YEARS for a response to my initial inquiry by e-mail.
So in the meantime I guess someone will just have to make professional quality DVDs out of the videos, which they are well capable of, since they still want to share their appreciation for the work of Edward Gorey.
And I don't think it would be unreasonable for them to charge a slight fee from potential purchasers of these DVDs for the time and effort it would take to put them together and for the cost of the materials to make the DVDs.
So, thank you, the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust for filing a complaint against the videos where I was sharing the videos I made for free.
You've inspired me to make the videos available for someone to distribute as hard copies for profit.
Please, by all means continue your charitable efforts on behalf of one of my favorite authors.
I'm sure he would be pleased to know that you are actively preventing the well-intentioned distribution of his work in his absence.

Yours,
A Fan Of Edward Gorey
(But Decidedly NOT A Fan Of The Edward Gorey Charitable Trust)



UPDATE: October 20th, 2013


From: edwardgoreyhouse@verizon.net
To: scott_lefebvre@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Edward Gorey
Date: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 13:33:55 -0400

Scott,
I checked my past messages and I find that I did respond to you inquiry of 22 Feb 2009 with this response. I will forward your email of 7 Oct 2013 on to them as well.
Rick Jones
Edward Gorey House
Director / Curator
On Feb 22, 2009, at 12:09 PM, Rick Jones wrote:

    Hi,
    Thanks for your message and information on your proposed project. 
    We will send your message to the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust as they hold and control all copyright for Mr. Gorey's images and uses.
    They are the only people who can grant the appropriate permission, especially on items that are to be sold, as they do require contracts on items for sale.
    Thank you for your interest in Edward Gorey.
    Rick Jones
    Director / Curator
    Edward Gorey House
    On Feb 22, 2009, at 8:28 AM, Scott Lefebvre wrote:

        Greetings!
        
        I have long been a fan of Edward Gorey.
        Both his printed works and the general style of his art and aesthetics.
        I have been thinking about doing a series of animated projects based on his works.
        In preparation for preparing several of these narrated projects, I have prepared an example.
        This example, a rendering of 'The Insect God' is available for review here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-ait6MSqmM
        I was interested in discussing the possibility of obtaining permission, or at least the blessing, of The Edward Gorey House as the most prominent preservers of the life and work of Edward Gorey.
        If The Edward Gorey House is pleased with this initial example, I would like to prepare a DVD worth of narrated Animated Amphigorey and discuss the possibility of offering this DVD for sale through The Edward Gorey House, thus allowing me to do my part to help to preserve the legacy of Edward Gorey.
        I am most interested in reading your response to my proposal, as I am eager to begin production of additional projects.
        
        Thank you.
        
        Scott Lefebvre

Rick Jones
Edward Gorey House
Director / Curator


UPDATE: October 21st, 2013

RE: Edward Gorey / permission request‏

Dear Mr. Lefebvre – The trustees of the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust, owner of all copyrights and related rights to Mr. Gorey’s works, have asked me to inform you that they do not wish to license the rights you have requested.  As I am sure you will understand, there are many proposals pending at any time for these and related rights to Mr. Gorey’s works, and the trustees are obligated to pursue those they believe most likely to result in increased revenues for the Trust’s charitable beneficiaries.

Thanks for your interest in Mr. Gorey’s works, and kind regards.

M. Graham Coleman | Davis Wright Tremaine LLP
1633 Broadway, 27th Floor | New York, NY 10019
Tel: (212) 603-6442 | Fax: (212) 379-5242
Email: mgrahamcoleman@dwt.com | Website: www.dwt.com

UPDATE: October 22nd, 2013


Edward Gorey Works

Dear Mr. Lefebvre,

As co-trustee of the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust, I can tell you that the Trust has no record of having received the email you sent back in 2009 to the Edward Gorey House, although I now see that Rick Jones had attempted to forward it to us at that time.  I do not know why we never received it.  When we discovered your videos  of Edward Gorey’s works on YouTube we did not know that they were produced by a person who had attempted to request authorization to use Gorey works in this manner 4 years ago.  Having said that, upon seeing your videos it was our duty as trustee of the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust and counsel to the Trust to act immediately to have them taken down, as their public display constituted extensive copyright infringement and risked a reduction in the value of the infringed works, which we use to raise funds for the support of animal welfare organizations, that being the reason for the existence of the Trust.

It is ordinarily our practice to require that infringements of this kind be taken down immediately, but on the assumption that the infringement may have been an innocent act of one unfamiliar with the law of copyright we do not ordinarily pursue legal action against the infringer if the infringement does not continue.  If, however, in your case  we learn that you have continued to exploit these videos after being advised that they constitute copyright infringement and after as copyright owners we have insisted that they no longer be displayed in any manner, it may be necessary for us to take necessary action to terminate this unauthorized use of the works of Edward Gorey and to seek appropriate damages.   Your email of October 7 seems clearly to threaten continued actions in violation of the copyright in these Gorey works, and we respectfully request that you reconsider this plan and confirm that you will not publicly display, sell or otherwise make available the videos that were displayed on YouTube.  If you truly admire the works of Edward Gorey and wish not to interfere with the charitable purposes to which he asked his works to be applied, we will expect to hear from you without delay that you will agree to this request.  This request is without prejudice to our right to take action if deemed necessary.

R. Andrew Boose | Davis Wright Tremaine LLP
1633 Broadway, 27th Floor | New York, NY 10019
Tel: (212) 603-6408 | Fax: (212) 379-5208
Email: andrewboose@dwt.com | Website: www.dwt.com

Anchorage | Bellevue | Los Angeles | New York | Portland | San Francisco | Seattle | Shanghai | Washington, D.C. 


My reply:


Duly noted.

The preceding reply from M. Graham Coleman was sufficient and much more polite.

"Dear Mr. Lefebvre – The trustees of the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust, owner of all copyrights and related rights to Mr. Gorey’s works, have asked me to inform you that they do not wish to license the rights you have requested.  As I am sure you will understand, there are many proposals pending at any time for these and related rights to Mr. Gorey’s works, and the trustees are obligated to pursue those they believe most likely to result in increased revenues for the Trust’s charitable beneficiaries.

Thanks for your interest in Mr. Gorey’s works, and kind regards.

M. Graham Coleman | Davis Wright Tremaine LLP
1633 Broadway, 27th Floor | New York, NY 10019
Tel: (212) 603-6442 | Fax: (212) 379-5242
Email: mgrahamcoleman@dwt.com | Website: www.dwt.com"

I request that any future correspondence from the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust be conducted through M. Graham Coleman.

Thank you for your time and effort in consideration of the preceding.

VERIZON WIRELESS: Can you hear me now?

     I’ve been a Verizon Wireless customer for as long as I’ve had a cell phone which is about twelve years or so now.
     I remember having a pager.
     The pager company I went with offered standard issue pagers in two colors surprisingly reminiscent of the colors of NyQuil cough syrup.   You could go with NyQuil Green or NyQuil Red, roughly the equivalent of “his ‘n’ hers” colors but I went with red anyhow because I’ve never been one to fall for gender stereotyping in colors.    I mean, if it was hot pink versus cobalt blue I’d go with the cobalt blue, but red and green are pretty ambivalent.   Christmas-y even.   So I went with the red.
     Between having a pager, which, when you think about it, was essentially an early version of someone text-messaging you their phone number for you to call them back, and having a land-line in my apartment with an answering machine so people could leave voice messages, I was able to do what I needed to do.   There was a fair amount of phone tag and leaving messages for each other, but it was what we had so we made it work.
     Then, cell phones were made widely and relatively affordably commercially available.
     I don’t remember exactly when I made the switch from pager and land-line to cell phone but it was around 2001 because I remember making a joke about having a musical ass and farting melodies when I would forget to mute the ringer on my cell phone at work and an 8-bit Nintendo version of Chopin’s Nocturne #1 would suddenly come drifting from my pants pocket.   So I don’t remember when I got my first cell phone, but I remember my first ringtone and that it was an LG.
     I also remember that it was around 2001, because I was living in an apartment block that was essentially a concrete bunker and I never got cell phone reception when I was indoors, so every morning I would have to go outside and retrieve all of my missed calls and voice messages.   It was inconvenient, and I missed a lot of opportunities because of not having cell phone service in my home.   Opportunities for work, when my employer would call to ask me if I could work overtime, and I didn’t receive the call until the next day.   Social activities, like people inviting me to go out and do things with them, or people trying to call me to see if they could come over and visit me.   And one time, when my friend Kristina called me when her and a girlfriend were leaving a lesbian bar and decided that they wanted to, in her words, “put some meat in their girl sandwiches”, my lack of cell phone reception cost me a ménage a trois.   Imagine waking up the next day and realizing that you missed that call.   Yeah.   That sucked.
     It never occurred to me to try to hold Verizon Wireless responsible for any of these inconvenient accidents as it was never done out of malicious intent.   I lived in a sturdy concrete dwelling with windows on only one side of it.   So although at least I didn’t live underground, I didn’t expect to have the best cell phone reception and I made due.   So, due to lapses in their signal strength or coverage area, I was being billed for twenty-four access to a service that I was only able to access only about half the time.
     Maybe you can see where I’m going with this.
     Although Verizon Wireless was unable to provide me with the service that they were charging me for about half of the time, I never received any kind of discount on my bill, my bill was never “pro-rated”.   Verizon Wireless billed me for service that they did not provide, and in the words of the law, that is fraud.   It is fraud, pure and simple.
     Don’t know what fraud is?
     Here’s a definition from Wikipedia: “In criminal law, fraud is intentional deception made for personal gain or to damage another individual; the related adjective is fraudulent, and verb is defraud. Fraud is a crime and a civil law violation, though the specific criminal law definition varies by legal jurisdiction. Defrauding people or entities of money or valuables is a common purpose of fraud.”
     By taking my money for service that Verizon Wireless was well aware that they were unable to provide, they were engaging in fraudulent activity and by doing so, they were putting themselves in a situation where they could potentially be liable for damages in a civil action.   I know that there was a long contract that I was required to sign each time I renewed my contract with them every two years or so, and somewhere in that contract there was a clause that probably said something like, “Verizon Wireless is not responsible for any loss or damage incurred through the use of our products and services.” and, I thought that was fair.   I can’t blame Verizon for my only being able to afford to live in a bunker with windows on only one side, and therefore only being able to receive service most of the time.   But they were probably aware that half the time my phone was unable to connect to their network, and if they weren’t already aware, I let them know, and they were still pleased to demand full payment each month as if I actually had access to the service I was paying for.   But I didn’t really mind that much at the time.   It only worked half the time, but it was only $50 a month at the time, which wasn’t a lot of money for a telephone you could carry around in your pocket.   I always paid my cell phone bill in person, resisting their persistent suggestion that I let them have my bank card number and bill me automatically, because I didn’t trust Verizon Wireless to act in a just and legal manner if given unchecked access to my financial network.   And when I went in to pay my bill I often mentioned that I was only receiving service about half the time and said that I would appreciate if they would pro-rate my bill to reflect the fact, because $25 isn’t a lot of money, but it did build up over time, but the Verizon clerk, and manager of the location if the clerk was a dullard, would just shrug and say that there was nothing they could do about it.   The old “I don’t know what to tell you / we’re all just cogs in a big machine / are you going to pay your cell phone bill or will we have to hold your access to our service hostage until you render payment in full” routine.
     My relationship with my cell phone service provider hasn’t always been copacetic.
     Sometimes I’d be short on cash due to other financial obligations or a lapse in employment.   I’m not perfect, and sometime employers and I didn’t see eye to eye, and sometimes my lifelong sleep cycle problems came between me and showing up to work when I was supposed to and I’d be informed that my services were no longer needed.   So cash would be tight, and I can’t eat cell phone service, so I’d let it slide a couple or a few months, and sometimes my cell phone service would get shut off.
     For a few years there, they would tack on a late fee if you didn’t pay your bill on time.   I can understand why they would do that, but it always seemed a bit harsh.   I already don’t have the money to pay my cell phone bill.   Now you’re going to levy an additional fee when I already can’t afford to pay the initial fee?   Kind of a dick move.   Do you even want customers?
     And sometimes when my service would be disconnected for non-payment I would have to earn beg or borrow enough money to pay of my overdue balance, and my overdue fees, and on top of that they would levy a reconnection fee.   Verizon could have waived the reconnection fee in consideration of my customer loyalty since I had been a customer of theirs from the beginning and reconnecting my service happened instantaneously as soon as I rendered payment and the clerk made the necessary changes.   But they didn’t, and despite my suggestions I’d get the same shrug and the same explanation that it was beyond their control from the clerks and managers of the location I frequented.   It wasn’t beyond their control, as sometimes I could get them to waive the fees.   So, essentially the clerks and managers were lying to me the other half of the time, which, as you can clearly see is more fraud and not cool.
     Then, one day, I get a postcard in the mail.
     The postcard is inviting me to participate in a class-action suit against Verizon Wireless to entitle myself to a piece of a multi-million dollar lawsuit over illegal overdue fees.
     Interesting.    Turns out that I wasn’t the only one that thought that it was kind of a dick move on the part of Verizon Wireless to kick people when they’re down.   But since I’m not overly litigious by nature, I declined to reply to the postcard.   Verizon would presumably stop levying late payment fees and that was enough for me.
     Cell phone technology evolved and text messaging was the next thing that everyone started using and you kind of had to participate in.   Sure, at first you could get non-text message enabled phones, but that was temporary, and if you wanted to be part of the next wave of computer-mediated communication you learned how to text message and learned how to emoticon and “lol” like everyone else.
     Of course, text messaging wasn’t going to be something that Verizon Wireless just gave its customers.   Despite the fact that they could just make their money from charging people for the phones that were text capable when people upgraded to a new phone every two years or so, Verizon levied either a per-text or a variety of different monthly subscription packages.
     I opted for unlimited nights and weekends for phone calls and unlimited text which was an extra $30 a month so now my bill was up to $80 per month.   It worked out fairly well, and I told people like my mother and my best friends that tended to want to talk for over an hour on the phone to call me during off-peak times, and on the off chance that I went past my 300 or 500 allotted monthly peak minutes, I was usually able to argue my way out of the surcharge which was a small victory.   Plus I think that Verizon Wireless was aware that it wasn’t worth arguing over an extra fifty bucks here or there considering that ten of the twelve months I wouldn’t exceed my minutes and I didn’t receive a refund for any minutes that I didn’t use so things sort of balanced out.
     That was how it was for a couple years.
     Sometimes I was ahead, sometimes I was behind, but it was relatively uneventful, and aside from the service areas being unreliable and missing calls and messages which would cause social complications and missed opportunities of the employment/financial/social/romantic variety I wasn’t completely dis-satisfied.   It was still only $80 for me to have a telephone in my pocket all the time.
     Cell phone technology evolved and smart phones became mandatory.
     I had been rocking a RAZR V3 for years and I was perfectly happy with it.
     It was and probably will be my favorite cell phone until they can make a smart phone that slim and cool looking.
     Texting using the alphanumeric code was a bit of a nuisance, but after practice I was able to compose whole messages without even looking at the keys.   Press “2” three times and you get a “c”.   Pretty simple when you get used to it.
     I had my RAZR for so long that when I finally developed a problem with it, a misfunctioning number key if I remember correctly, that I had skipped a couple of my “every two years new phone” opportunities and the clerk was amazed that I was still running off the original battery.   Turns out I’m pretty good at taking care of a cell phone when it’s not too big to be unwieldy.   I never dropped any of my cell phones into a toilet bowl or down a stairwell or out the window/under the wheel of a moving car or got pushed into a swimming pool with it in my pocket or anything like that.
    The clerk told me that I couldn’t have another RAZR as they were being discontinued and I would have to upgrade to a smart phone.   This was only half true.   It’s true that the RAZR V3 was being phased out in favor of smart phones, but Verizon was offering a smart phone compliant updated variant.   But maybe the location I frequented in Long Island didn’t have any of those in stock, or it wasn’t an option for my “free” phone upgrade.   So I let the clerk talk me into a Blackberry Curve.   I think it was an 8530.   I’ve never been a tech fetishist so I usually don’t know the tech specs for my cell phones.   All I know is that it was a Blackberry, it was black, and it had the trackpad instead of the roller ball.
     Of course, upgrading to a smart phone wouldn’t be free and there would be an increase to my monthly bill for taking advantage of having access to the internet in my pocket.   So now my monthly bill was around $100 each month, give or take.   But I fell in love with my Blackberry.   The tiny keypad was kind of a pain for my big sausage fingers, but I developed callouses in the corners of the fingertips of my thumbs and forefingers and with practice was able to type with relative ease.   Plus I was able to receive and reply to e-mails and access Facebook from my phone which was quite a valuable privilege to have since I was a brand manager for an horror-genre-merchandising company which did most of its business online so some days I could do my work from home or while away from my computer with relative ease.   I was happy with my upgrade, the $20 per month surcharge was worth it, and I was making decent money, so keeping current on my bill wasn’t a problem.   All was right with the world.
     I mean, there was still the problem with spotty coverage.   That’s continuous.   Sometimes you’d have cell phone reception but no internet, and sometimes you’d have no reception at all, and you’d come out of spending time in a dead spot with no internet and be swarmed with a tsunami of notifications about e-mails and Facebook notifications you had missed, but for the most part it was serviceable.   I didn’t expect perfection, and although I was still being billed for continuous service when I was only able to access cell phone service about ¾ of the time, and the internet about half the time, I didn’t make much of a fuss because, as I said, I didn’t expect perfection and I was a loyal Verizon customer.
     I listened to my friends complain about their cell phone providers and when asked who I went with and if I was content I’d usually say that I hadn’t had any problems with Verizon.   The service was spotty at best, but what do you expect?
     The job ended and I moved.
     At my new residence, I was sharing a flat with an insane senior citizen.   The kind of deal where you rent a bedroom in a house, and share the common areas with whoever is renting the other bedrooms.   Kind of inconvenient, but it was all I could afford at the time since money was tight.   The old codger had cable, but not internet and trying to add on internet was going to be a hassle.   I was able to steal internet from a guy that lived upstairs, but after a few months I think he started to get wise.   My friend Josh told me that he had the same phone that I did, except a slightly different model through T-Mobile and that he was able to “tether” his phone.   For those less tech savvy than I am, to “tether” your phone is to use your cell phone as a modem to connect to the internet with your computer, using your existing cell phone plan.   I had unlimited everything on my phone so I figured it was worth looking into.   For those more tech savvy than I am, I apologize for any over-simplification.
     When I tried to activate my cell phone as a tether, I was notified that tethering a Verizon phone was a premium service and would require agreeing to pay an additional fee and would I like to do so?   I contacted my friend who tethered his Blackberry through T-Mobile and he said that it was free for him.   The phone can do it, and he pays for cell phone service so why would he have to pay for the privilege?   I agreed with him, so I went to my local Verizon location and asked what the deal was.   The first clerk I talked to said that he could enable tethering for an additional $20 per month.   Another price increase and kind of a rip-off considering that T-Mobile offered the same service for free but I needed access to the internet from my home so I was willing to pay for the price hike for the privilege.
     The clerk begins to process the change to my account and encounters a problem and calls a manager over.   Okay so far.   Then the manager informs me that the clerk was mistaken and that it would cost me an additional $60 per month to allow my phone to function as a tether.
     Me: “But that guy just told me that it would only cost $20.”
     Manager: “He was mistaken.”
     Me: “My friend has the same phone through T-Mobile and can tether for free.   So why should I stay with Verizon?”
     Manager: “-something rude about who cares if you stay with Verizon or not, loser, we’re a giant company so take it on the arches, chump-“
     But I’m resistant to change so in spite of being told I could take it or take a hike, I stuck with Verizon and continued to steal internet from the guy upstairs, lying to him about it whenever he’d ask me about it.   He wasn’t tech savvy enough to cut me off or change the password and I tried to only use heavy download access when he was likely to be out or asleep.   I know it makes me look like a bad person, but desperate times inspire desperate behavior.
     I moved back to Rhode Island and the trackpad on my Blackberry stopped working which made the phone just a telephone which would have been fine if I wasn’t paying for internet access.
     I went to a Verizon location, but, unfortunately, the location I went to was a satellite location.   It looked like a legitimate Verizon location.   All of the signage and collateral read Verizon and had the proper brand colors.   There were phones in the store, the store was a storefront in a mall, and the card that the clerk gave me said “Verizon Wireless” on it.   It was quite a clever illusion considering that this wasn’t really a Verizon Wireless, just an “authorized dealer”.
     I went in with my broken Blackberry and said, essentially, “This is broken.   I liked this one.   I’ll take another please.”
     The clerk gave me some shell-game bait-and-switch story about how Blackberrys are a thing of the past and if I wanted a new phone I’d have to go for a smart phone.   I was skeptical, as I loved my Blackberry.   How could such an awesome phone be obsolete?   The clerk talked me into a Samsung Stratosphere which is not the phone I wanted.   I wanted a Blackberry.   But the Stratosphere seemed the least of all possible evils.   It was touchscreen, and I hate touchscreens, but the screen was easily twice as big as the Blackberry, and the phone slid in half revealing a keypad which was a nice concession.   So I got talked into it, knowing I was being misled, but having no choice in the matter.
     The next month when I went to my usual Verizon location, a legitimate Verizon location, they had Blackberrys in stock.   I had been lied to, and the clerk had made his commission.   Thanks dude.
     The Stratosphere was awful.   It’s a cool device, kind of.   I immediately named it “Spacephone”.   I bought a big 16G Micro-SD card so I could listen to music, downloaded Winamp so I’d have a decent player, threw on a bunch of movies in AVI format so I could watch my favorite movies on a screen the size of my hand if I was bored, but it wasn’t much of a phone.
     But the Stratosphere was even worse than the Blackberry for poor reception and I was paying for internet service that I was more often than not unable to take advantage of unless I was standing on a hill on a clear night with my arm raised like the Statue of Liberty petitioning the invisible internet gods to let me check my Facebook.   Also, I was never able to synchronize my e-mail with the new phone, so I would receive messages but be unable to reply to them until I got back to my laptop.   I don’t know much about wireless connectivity.   I don’t know anything about 3G versus 4G except that 4G is supposedly better because it’s one “G” more.   [“Yes, but these go to 11.”]
     What I do know is that more often than not I’d be lucky to even have cell phone service, and again, Verizon was happy to demand payment for a service that they were unable to provide with anything resembling consistency and my bill was never pro-rated to reflect what I was being billed for but not receiving.
     I hit a lapse in employment again and fell behind on my bill.
     Verizon has a method of gradually strangling your service when you fall behind.
     First you can receive text messages, but not send them.   This sucks because it makes you unable to conduct business via text.   Business from which you will presumably use the proceeds to pay off your cell phone bill balance.
     Then you can receive phone calls, and talk to people if they call you, but if you try to call out, you get redirected to Verizon Customer Service where they mispronounce your last name and ask you to give them your ATM card number so they can take your money and restore your cell phone service, which they are somewhat justifiably holding hostage until you pay your bill.   This is inconvenient because when you’re between jobs in a tough economy and you’re trying to line up job interviews it’s embarrassing to try to line things up using just your e-mail and you become terrified of going anywhere or doing anything on the off chance that a potential employer will call you to try to set up a job interview and you won’t be able to return the call so you can get a job and earn some money and pay off your cell phone balance.   I actually missed a couple of those calls and let me tell you, checking your voice mail and hearing that “if you want to schedule a job interview give us a call back” and not being able to call them back is quite frustrating.
     I was in a desperate situation, but thankfully a business partner for a new business opportunity felt bad for me and lined me up with his cell phone carrier.
     In one day with the help of Sprint customer service, my phone number was ported over to Sprint and as an added line to my business partner’s account it’s only $20 per month for everything I was paying $100 a month for at Verizon.   Yes, you read that correctly.   I’m saving $80 per month by finally ditching Verizon and their fraudulent overcharging for services that they only sporadically provided.
     Now I’ve got a Samsung Galaxy S III for FREE.   Don’t get me wrong, the service is still spotty and unless I’m sitting on top of a cell phone tower I never see 4Gs whatever that means.   But at least It’s only costing my friend and business partner $20 a month.   We spend more than that on beer and appetizers when we have a dinner meeting.
     All should be well with the world.
     Then the phone calls started.
     Verizon, like a jilted lover, did not take well to being spurned for another carrier.
     The final bill they sent me, almost $300 I owed them in unpaid monthly bills which is kind of fair considering I contracted for a service that they usually couldn’t provide, also had a $250 “Cancellation fee” tacked onto it.
     I had been a Verizon Wireless customer for twelve years, give or take.
     Often when I could keep their cheap shoddy “free” phones working for longer than the two-year contract period, I would be continuing to subscribe to their cell phone service out of contract.   When I had my RAZR I went for about five years without renewing my contract.   Despite their spotty service, I would recommend them as the least of the evils when it came to cell phone companies.   Slapping me with a cancellation fee is no way to repay the thousands of dollars I have rendered over to them willingly over the years.
     I figured that when I had built up some cash I would settle with them for the outstanding balance, being a relatively honest person and not wanting them to continue to further stain my already blackened credit by reporting my delinquency in settling up with them.   I would also tell them that there was no way I was paying their cancellation fee so they could take my offer of the outstanding balance for unreliable service rendered or take nothing.
     Verizon referred the debt to a collections agency.
     The agency was calling me two or three times a day and leaving blank voice mails.   Now I’m not that familiar with the laws regarding creditors and how many times a day they’re allowed to call you before it crosses over into harassment, but I’ve always been of the opinion that the number of times per day they were allowed to call you was one.   Once per day.
     Thankfully my new phone allows you to block incoming phone calls by number.
     Did a bit of research.   Interesting what you can learn.
     Apparently, according to The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act a creditor is quite constricted in their lawful authorization to contact debtors.   Also, over-stepping those boundaries can result in civil legal settlements of $1,000 per call or $500,000 in the case of a class action suit.
     I called Convergent Outsourcing Incorporated, operating out of Renton, Washington and informed them that by calling me repeatedly, day after day, that they were engaging in harassment and that I am going to seek legal counsel regarding the possibility of engaging in individual or class action legal action against their company for harassment.
     Why have I bothered to write all of this?
     Because I have a proposal for Verizon Wireless.
     I want them to waive the outstanding balance on my account and the “cancellation fee”.
     My credit is already bad enough without them further sullying my reputation.
     But I also want compensation.
     I want compensation for every time I wasn’t able to take advantage of the service that they were billing me for.  I want compensation for every missed and dropped call and all of the missed business opportunities and social opportunities I missed.   For every missed dollar and kiss I lost out on because Verizon promised and billed for something they could not and did not provide.
     A hundred dollars a month times twelve months per year times twelve years is $14,400.
     I’m not asking for a full refund.
     I contracted to take advantage of the service they provided and I did take advantage of their service fairly regularly and with few problems when the service was working reliably.
     I’m asking for compensation for the other half of the time when I missed important phone calls, e-mails, and text messages from my friends and professional contacts.
    Half the time Verizon did not provide the services they were contracted to provide and that is a breach of contract, so in exchange for them levying a charge for my breach of contract by changing cell phone service providers I am contemplating counter-charging for half of the amount paid for the service that they only provided half of the time.
     Simple math indicates that that would be around $7,200
     Now I know that I wasn’t paying $100 per month for the duration of our relationship, but in lieu of filing for damages by way of lost wages and the “pain and suffering” of missed social opportunities I am willing to accept $7,200.
     I’ll be e-mailing this to Verizon Wireless if I can find an appropriate e-mail and I will also be contacting a few of my friends engaged in the legal profession to inquire about beginning an individual or class action suit to carry forward my complaint.
     This is not a threat.
     I am not in the practice of threatening people.
     This is a statement of my intentions.
     If Verizon Wireless would like to take the easy way out of this and concede to my request I will be pleased to make a public note that they have done so and cease any further inquiries regarding the possibility of legal action against them.
     If not, I will continue to move forward with my inquiries and will post a link to this entry into any and all public forums inquiring if any other Verizon Wireless customers who have been unsatisfied with the services rendered would be interested in participating in a class action suit against the company.
    I’m sure that there’s a lawyer somewhere that would be interested in the commission for what could potentially be quite an expensive legal action.
    And I can’t be the only person that is unsatisfied with the overall unreliability of the services provided by Verizon Wireless can I?

     If a representative from Verizon Wireless would like to contact me to settle this, you’ve got my number.   I know that you may be busy with the impending class action suit levied against your company due to your complicity with the NSA’s surveillance program, but this one should be much easier to settle.   I’ve tried to resolve this issue in private with your representatives but I feel that you haven’t been listening to my concerns.

     Can you hear me now?

The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act:
http://www.ftc.gov/os/statutes/fdcpa/fdcpact.shtm#806

Kids As Adults - THINGS WE HATE

I created four short screenplays for hire for a project called "Kids As Adults".
The whole idea was having kids play adult roles.
I didn't think much of the idea, but I did what I could with it.
I don't think they'll ever see production so I don't see the harm in putting them up here.
Please keep in mind that the individual that I created these for retains the option to produce these four short vignettes, so please don't run off and make them.

THINGS WE HATE

Two kids sitting in adjoining pre-fab work cubicles.
Although they can’t see each other, they’ve developed a method of talking to each other over the divider to pass the time during their boring drudging data-entry jobs.
Kid #1: “You know what I hate?”
Kid #2: “Everything. Last I checked.”
Kid #1: “Yes. But more specifically.”
Kid #2: “Okay. I’ll bite. What do you hate?”
Kid #1: “I hate when people talk to me about the weather. Especially people that complain about the rain. Water falls from the sky sometimes. Either you get wet or you don’t. I don’t get where the suspense comes in.”
Kid #2: “I hate it when people talk on their cell phone next to you while you’re waiting in line. I mean, really, that call is that important that I need to hear you talk about your aunt Agnes’s heart problems while you’re talking at the back of my head?
Kid #1: “I hate it when people try to talk to me about their pets. I barely care about you. Why do you think I want to know about the animal you keep imprisoned in your home for your entertainment?”
Kid #2: “I just hate pets in general. You want to hang out with animals? Spend the day at the zoo. Meanwhile there’s a whole aisle in the supermarket designated to selling pet food when we have people in this country that don’t have enough to eat. It’s a travesty.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that take their home aquariums too seriously. You’re not Jacques Cousteau. I know that you think that having a bunch of tetras swimming around in a tank is relaxing, but when you find yourself spending time trying to pinpoint the p.h. of your tank to accommodate different breeds of fish you probably need to get out more often or start dating a dolphin.”
Kid #2: “I hate animal conservationists. Especially the ASPCA. They always have those late night guilt trips featuring sad looking dogs with some lady warbling over it all. I never kicked a dog and I don’t need to see it on my TV when I can’t sleep at night.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that think it’s awesome to own exotic animals like lions and tigers and bears. They think they’re special like they can just hang out with a tiger or an orangutan and then people get all angry at the animal when it goes all feral and eats the face off of its special human friend. You ever seen a lion take down a gazelle? What makes anyone think that they’re anything but two-legged gazelles in the eyes of a lion?”
Kid #2: “I hate it when people try to talk to me about their kids. You’ve got kids. I acknowledged that fact. Now can we move on? I don’t care of your stupid kid is falling behind in penmanship.”
Kid #1: “I just hate kids in general. Stinky little awkward goblins. Always yelling and screaming and crying. I don’t know why anyone would willingly subject themselves to that.
Kid #2: “I hate old people that are clueless that still wander around in the community. Swerving around ten miles an hour in a brand new Cadillac. Showing up to the post-office trying to mail an apple pie to their grandson in Afghanistan and they just show up with the pie and I have to stand around and wait while the clerk tries t help them figure out how to get it into a package suitable for mailing halfway across the world? I’m all for showing support for the troops but not at the expense of having to wait around for an hour while grandma tries to figure out how to put stamps on a pie.”
Kid #1: “I hate it when people talk about their bowel movements. I know that everybody poops, but the last thing I need to know is how last night’s buffalo wings set off the fire alarm in the bathroom. Some things should just be private.”
Kid #2: “I hate it when people don’t close the door when they use the bathroom. I know that everyone needs a break every now and again but I don’t need to hear the stream hitting the porcelain.”
Kid #1: “I hate when girls complain about men not leaving the toilet seat down. It’s not like you’re going to fall in and drown. Plus if the toilet seat’s up, just reach over and knock it down. Gravity’s in your favor.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that talk too loudly. I’m standing right in front of you. I shouldn’t be able to feel the sound of your words as they plink off of my uncaring face. Didn’t your parents ever tell you about inside voices?”
Kid #1: “I hate people that have awful laughs.   Especially people that actually say “Ha Ha Ha” instead of laughing. Were you absent on the day in Kindergarten when they taught people how to laugh like a normal human being?”
Kid #2: “I hate people that don’t know that they smell bad. Especially people with bad breath that lean in close when they talk at you. Yes. There is a reason I keep leaning further away from you so there’s no reason for you to keep leaning in closer. Eventually I’m going to have to get up and put some distance between us and that will just be awkward.”
Kid #1: “I hate when people tell you about their health problems in great detail. You’re not feeling well? Fine. I hope you feel better. But if you want to tell me all about your battle with cancer, I kind of secretly hope that it kills you, like, immediately. I’ve got my own problems to worry about.”
Kid #2: “I hate when people complain at restaurants. As long as it’s approximately the food you ordered there shouldn’t be any problem at all. If you want a bit more barbecue sauce in a little ramekin, fine. But if you try to send your food back to be re-cooked or refuse to pay for your food, the cook should be legally entitled to take you out into the parking lot and pistol-whip you in front of your family.”
Kid #1: “I hate when people say “How are you?” and don’t actually want to know. If you ask me how I am, I feel obliged to tell you. A simple “Hello” would suffice.”
Kid #2: “I hate it people that say “God Bless You!” when you sneeze. It’s not like my spirit is trying to leap out of my body. I just had a tickle in my nose. Everybody relax.”
Kid #1: “I hate racists. People come from different places and in different colors and they’ve been doing that since there were people. Why haven’t we moved past that as a species yet?”
Kid #2: “I hate people that don’t try to assimilate when they move to another country. If I moved to France, I’d learn to speak French. The last thing I need is to listen to some convenience store clerk jabbering into a cell phone in some weird language that sounds like a bunch of snorts and coughs. I don’t expect everyone to speak English, but when I’m in an English speaking country it shouldn’t be a special order.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that are proud about their ethnicity. Especially Irish people. I’m sure that there are a lot of French people that are proud of their background, but you don’t see French people closing down Main Street to have a Bastille Day parade. But every Saint Patrick’s Day every Irishman and alcoholic is wandering around the streets sporting and Irish accent. I wish they used arsenic to make green beer.”
Kid #2: “You know what the difference is between Saint Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Junior Day?”
Kid #1: “No.”
Kid #2: “On Saint Patrick’s Day everyone wants to be Irish.”
Kid #1: “I hate it when people have ignorant opinions about the Middle East. It’s all about the oil. Why can’t we all just admit it and get over it. We’re going to keep sending troops in tanks over to your country as long as there’s oil under your country. Get used to it.”
Kid #2: “I hate it when people have stupid colored ribbons on the back of their vehicles. These days every disease from club foot to cancer has a different colored ribbon and I don’t care about any of them.”
Kid #1: “I hate when people have those stick-figure family stickers on their rear-windows. Oh, how nice, you’ve got two kids and a dog. Well I have a rock and I hate your stupid stickers. Have fun shopping for a new rear window.”
Kid #2: “I hate novelty license plates. You’re too good for a random series of letters and numbers like the rest of us? I hope you get rear-ended by a garbage truck.”
Kid #1: “I hate jeeps. If you’re tooling around in the desert I understand the need, but if you’re cruising around in the city, go and get yourself a vehicle with a roof like a normal person.”
Kid #2: “I hate when people pull onto the highway from an on ramp and don’t speed up. Why did you get onto the highway if you’re not in a rush to get someplace. Gas is on the right.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that don’t drive fast in the fast lane. If you’re not interested in getting to where you’re going pull off to the right, or better yet, just stay off the highway.”
Kid #2: “I hate car fanatics. It’s just a mode of transportation. A way to get from here to there. If you’re in love with your car, that’s fine, but keep me out of it.”
Kid #1: “I hate bike fanatics. It’s a way for children to ride around the neighborhood. The next time some idiot on a souped-up custom ten speed yells “Share the road!” at me in the city I’m running him off the road.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that always compare things to Nazis or Hitler. Is that your only frame of reference? Unless your neighbor takes over your home and tries to gas your Jewish pets he’s not a Nazi.”
Kid #1: “I hate Christians. Not Christianity, mind you. I’ve got nothing against having a spiritual belief as long as you’re willing to admit that it’s magical thinking. But the way they’re always so condescending and punitive and smug about everything. Who gave you the right to be the judge of every one and thing? If God doesn’t like what I’m up to, let him show up and tell me as much. In the meantime, spare me all of the lectures about your crazy reincarnation cult.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that think that Jesus actually cares about their stupid existence. Some inbred redneck in West Virginia thinks that if he hollers to Jesus, that Jesus will cure his cancer and make his cousin Cletus walk again. You got cancer from the drinking water and your cousin Cletus is crippled because he decided to dive headfirst into the shallow end of the swimming hole. Jesus has nothing to do with it. You’re your own worst enemy.”
Kid #1: “I hate Jehovah’s Witnesses. It’s bad enough believing in something crazy, but they try to sell it door-to-door and on a Saturday morning no less. They show up on my doorstep in their nicest clothes and then they act like I’m the crazy one when I tell them I’m not interested and I’d rather sleep in on my day off.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that actually believe in Creationism, especially politicians. It’s bad enough that there are actually people out there that think that God just blinked everything into existence four-thousand years ago despite everything we’ve ever learned about the world. And, you know, science. But then you’re going to expect me to believe that there are enough idiots out there that you managed to get into public office and you’re out there making decisions on how to spend our tax money and making up the laws for our country with that stupid nonsense rattling around in your head? One word. Dinosuars. Get over it.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that believe in astrology. The stars that make up the constellations are hundreds of millions of light years away from each other and some of the stars that we see died out thousands of years ago. And you expect me to believe that you can blame your personality defects on the time of year you were born?”
Kid #2: “I hate vegetarians. If animals weren’t meant to be used for food we wouldn’t be able to eat them. They’d be as digestible as rocks and dirt. If you want to get upset about the way we factory raise our food animals, fine, but to say we shouldn’t eat them is both stupid and crazy.”
Kid #1: “I hate vegans. It’s bad enough to be a vegetarian but you’re going to try to hate milk and eggs? That’s fine. More delicious food for me. Have fun eating vegetables for the rest of your life”
Kid #2: “I hate people that are allergic to things and try to make it everyone else’s problem. You’re allergic to peanut butter? Fine. Don’t eat peanut butter. Being allergic to something just means that God hates you and is trying to kill you with food. Or bees.”
Kid #1: “I hate Sudoku. You’re trying to market math homework as a fun pastime? I don’t think so. Same thing with crossword puzzles. If you’re bored, go for a walk.”
Kid #2: “I hate jigsaw puzzles. We’re going to take a picture and break it into pieces. Then we expect you to pay for the privilege of putting it back together.”
Kid #1: “I hate board games. You think that rolling dice or answering trivia questions is going to break the tension at a gathering of strangers? Just serve them a couple drinks and let the alcohol do the work.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that take their job too seriously. Unless you’re a brain surgeon or a fireman, it’s just a way to make a living. People should work to live, not live to work.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that take being a police officer too seriously. Unless I’m robbing a bank or killing someone leave me alone and go bother someone else. We’ve got all of the murderers and rapists in jail so now you’ve got the spare time to pull me over and hassle me about an expired registration? Makes me think maybe we need less cops if they don’t have enough crime to keep them occupied.”
Kid #2: “I hate it when people take being a security officer too seriously. You’re just there to make sure people don’t burn the place down or steal the art off the walls. There’s a reason they don’t let you carry a gun. Just observe and report like you’re supposed to and quit giving me  looks like I’m going to respect your nonexistent authority.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that take graveyards too seriously. Just because that’s where we plant all of the dead people doesn’t mean that it’s haunted.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that believe in ghosts. If ghosts haunted places where they died, then hospitals and hospices would be the most haunted places on the planet, but they’re not. There just aren’t ghosts.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that believe in angels. You really expect me to believe that there’s an invisible being following you around every minute of every day watching over you? What about when you’re stinking up the bathroom. Or when you’re sleeping. Is your angel just hanging around floating up against the ceiling like a neglected balloon waiting for you to wake up and do something stupid?”
Kid #2: “I hate people that wear baseball caps with the tags still on them. Yes, we know it’s a new hat. Now take the tags off like a normal person.”
Kid #1: “I just hate people that wear baseball caps. Unless you’re actually playing baseball it’s just a ridiculous affectation. Might as well walk around wearing a football helmet all the time.”
Kid #2: “Now that I think about it, I realize that I hate people that wear hats in general. I mean, if it’s cold outside and you want to keep your head warm, fine. But if it’s nice out and you’re wearing a cowboy hat, you look like an idiot. Might as well have a set of plastic toy guns in waist holsters so you can have the whole cowboy outfit.”
Kid #1: “I hate girls that wear fake flowers pinned into their hair. It’s not like anybody’s going to think it’s a real flower. There’s a reason that style went out in the forties.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that have weak handshakes. Seat the sockets where your thumbs meet your hands and wrap the fingers around and give it a shake. How do you mess that up?”
Kid #1: “I hate people that try to get me to do complicated handshakes. A simple handshake just isn’t good enough for you is it? You want me to slap and slide and snap and learn some crazy secret pattern because you think it’s cool? Forget it. You can go play patty-cake with someone else.”
Kid #2: “I hate it when people you used to know in high school try to add you on Facebook. Just because you remember me from back then doesn’t mean I want to know you now. If we got along that well we’d still be friends. Since that’s not the case, why don’t we just keep on pretending that we don’t know each other like we’ve been doing for years?”
Kid #1: “I hate people that complain about the government and don’t do anything about it. You don’t like the way that the government conducts its business? Get out and vote for someone else or run for office and change the system from the inside or just stop paying your taxes. If the government doesn’t do what you want it to do, you shouldn’t have to pay them for their services.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that make a big deal about cupcakes. They’re just small single-serving cakes. What’s the big deal? And do we really need a TV show about cupcakes? Just buy a case of Twinkies and shut up.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that are all bent out of shape because Hostess went out of business. If Twinkies were so amazing everyone would buy them and they wouldn’t go out of business. I haven’t eaten a Twinkie since I used to get high in college and even then it was a bad idea and I won’t miss them when they’re gone.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that chew loudly or chew with their mouths open. How do they not know that it’s disgusting?”
Kid #1: “I hate when people make orgasm sounds when they’re enjoying food. I know that whatever you’re eating must taste pretty good, but there’s no way it’s that good.”
Kid #2: “I hate guys that wear kilts. They’re just fancy plaid skirts for guys. If you’re going to cross-dress just call it what it is.”
Kid #1: “I hate people that are way too comfortable being naked. I’ve got nothing against the human form, but I don’t need to stumble out on a sunny day and accidentally see you in your backyard sunning your twigs and berries from my deck. If you need an all over tan, go to a tanning salon.”
Kid #2: “I hate people from Brooklyn that say they live in New York City instead of admitting that they live on Long Island. Yes, we all know that Brooklyn is technically part of New York City, but unless you live on the island of Manhattan, you don’t live in New York City. Case closed.”
Kid #1: “I hate when people expect to be tipped because they have a low-paying customer service job. You want more money? Go to school and get a degree in a useful field. Don’t act like the small change I drop into your tip cup is really going to drastically alter your annual income and if you think I’m stuffing paper money into your tip cup you’re out of your mind. You get paid an hourly wage to do a job, so just do your job and throw out that tip cup. It’s embarrassing to both of us. It’s not my fault you’re not ambitious enough with your choice of vocation.”
Kid #2: “I hate drug addicts or homeless people who try to tell you some elaborate story to get money from you. It’s a waste of both of our times. Just be honest. Tell me straight out. “I am addicted to heroin and it is an expensive habit, so you can either give me five dollars now, or I can smash out your car window and rifle through the contents of your car for something to sell and you can buy a new window. Your choice.”. I’d probably pay five dollars for their honesty and to save me the cost and inconvenience of replacing a window.”
Kid #1: “I hate celebrity magazines and soap opera magazines. Not only is it a travesty that full grown adults waste perfectly good time and effort and resources producing these magazines. But it’s also amazing to me that people actually purchase these magazines. It’s really not enough that you watch these awful shows, but you’ve got to buy a magazine to read about them and I’ve got to be reminded of how stupid those idiots are every time I’m waiting in the check-out line at the supermarket?”
Kid #2: “I hate that they still publish newspapers and magazines. There’s this thing called the internet where all of the collected knowledge of mankind exists at the tip of your fingertips and you still think it’s necessary to kill trees and grind them up into paper so you can hold this information in your hands? Why not just etch it into stone tablets while you’re at it?”
Kid #1: “I hate people that hate books. I know that settling in with a good book isn’t everyone’s idea of a good time, but when anyone says they hate reading, I automatically assume that they also don’t like thinking, and that they are an idiot and continuing to converse with them is a waste of my time.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that never bothered to learn how to spell. You’ve seen these words thousands of times. How have you not accidentally figured out how the letters in the words go together in the right order by now? And there’s spell-check on everything from laptops to cell phones these days. There’s really no excuse.”
Kid #1: “I hate it when people that try to explain why you should like something when you don’t. They’re all like, “No. You don’t get it.”. And I’m all like, “Yeah. I get it. I just don’t like it. Now I’m going to stand over there where I don’t have to continue this conversation anymore. Enjoy spending the rest of the evening alone with your stupid opinions.”.”
Kid #2: “I hate people that get degrees in useless subjects. You want to spend four years of your life and tens of thousands of dollars working towards a degree in Art History and the have the nerve to complain that you can’t find a job in your chosen field of study? Does the world really need that many art historians?”
Kid #1: “I hate bosses that aren’t as smart as you are talking down to you like they know something you don’t. I always think, “I can do your job better than you do, you just got here before I did and have been here longer than I have. That doesn’t make you smarter than I am, just means you wasted more of your life here. Hope it’s working out for you.”.”
Kid #2: “I hate it when people can’t tell that you don’t want to talk to them. They look at you until you make eye contact and then they’re all like, “Hi! I’m going to punish you with my opinions about a bunch of things that you don’t care about until you find some desperate reason to be somewhere else.”. And they never seem to catch on that none of the words that fall out of their stupid faces ever had to be spoken because none of it changes anything ever so maybe keeping your stupid ideas locked inside of your head where they can’t annoy anyone else is a pretty good policy.”
Kid #1: “Yeah. I hate that too.”
Kid #2: “Yeah.”
Dolly back and fade out to a two-shot of the two workers in their cubicles clicking away at keyboards.

END